Relationship identity crisis.....

I don't know why I allow this to happen to me. I mean nothing is perfect nor do I expect it to be. But come on..... How did I get here? You say we are not a couple yet our actions don't show it. Are you trying to hold on to me and at the same time let me go? I have been here too many times before to just sit here and accept it. But I created this mess. My heart wont let you go but my mind is debating that feeling. I want you in my life.... right? Sometimes I don't know. I mean I'm torn myself. Your mouth says you want me. Your mouth says you love me. Yet you refuse to make the commitment. Am I or am I not your man? You say that I'm everything you want in a man. That sounds great until I take a look at your life and see myself as an option. I learned a long time ago not to make anyone a priority in my life who leaves me as an option. Yet daily I find ways to show you how much of my life you are to me, only to see just how much of a priority you are to you. I wish I could pull myself out of this yet I cant seem to get past this love hate feeling. I love you but hate where I am. I know the kind of man I am and that most women would kill for me. To know me is to love me accept in knowing me you love you more. So much more that I search for my security in this relationships identity. I know this may sound confusing well I guess that means I am too. I can't get through this crazy built up frustration. I wanna explode. The fact that this is comfortable to you drives me up another wall. You seem to have this all figured out. You have your cake and eating it to. Well you know what I have a plan for that. I've spent way to long chasing people who don't want to be caught. The chase is over... you want me you know where my heart is and you know how to find it. I have to let this go. Can't lose anymore sleep wondering if while you're in my arms when you're gonna leave.